Survivor Read online

  “He’ll be starting at school soon. He hasn’t had many kids to play with so…” Aidan said. “Hey,” he looked at my downcast eyes, “you weren’t ready, and neither was he, really. We can start eating down at the mess, and I’ll tell them we don’t need food delivered anymore. It’ll be fine.”

  14

  And it was, kinda.

  “Kade!” Mila, the little girl we’d met when we first visited the mess came barrelling over to my son, a flock of boys at her back. “You haven’t been down here! Come and play with us.”

  “Kade is with me.” We all turned to see Kiralee had sidled up to Kade and linked his arm in hers. “He was my friend first.”

  That did not impress Mila at all, her jaw setting as she looked the other girl up and down.

  “He is part of my pack. Auntie Ophelia said so.”

  “You’re too young to have a pack,” Kiralee scoffed with all the authority of someone much older and much taller. “Assigning members this young would be barbaric.”

  Mila blinked at that, then shook her head.

  “Are you calling me barbaric?”

  “Ladies!” I snapped when I saw little fists start to form. “This is no way to act. Kade belongs to himself…and me, I guess. But he’s super keen to play with both of you.” Actually, right now he was leaning hard against my legs, but anyway. “How about we leave aside this pack business and all have fun right now? That’s what being a kid is about, right?”

  There was a pause, and then both the girls nodded, eyeing each other.

  “Wanna play chasey?” Mila said to the other girl. Kiralee just nodded stiffly. “OK, boys, time to run!”

  “The boys run and the girls chase them?” I said.

  Both the guys watched the kids play with a smile, though there was something darker in their eyes when they turned to me.

  “Not everyone shifts into Tirian form, but if you do, it’ll be on the full moon,” Peter said, his eyes flicking briefly to the morning sky. “Your Tirian will have her head and probably want a mating chase. Any of the blokes here…” Our eyes were drawn to the gathered families and a whole lot more. The place was packed with so many more men than before. They obviously belonged to families, as I watched them sit with who I assumed were their mums and dads, but a lot of eyes were on us, or rather, me. “Any that want to petition for a place with you will be there and run before you, hoping you’ll bring them to ground and then…”

  “And then?” I barely breathed the words, feeling everything he said. I could feel the thrill of the chase in my spine, knew exactly what it would feel like to run across the soft earth, my haunches powerful, my feet fleet. Peter’s eyes shone green for a moment as they stared into mine.

  “And then you’ll go into heat,” Aidan said. “It’s…intense. All you wanna do is fuck, anyone and anything. It goes on for a few days, maybe a week. Long enough for you to start getting an idea of who you might want to take as mates.”

  “Right…” I replied, a manifestly inadequate response, but what else could I say? Fear and desire fought a brutal battle inside me, but my Tirian shifted, quelling all of that. I looked into her eyes and she into mine, and knew, just like with Rick, she wouldn’t steer me wrong. While human me went into an anxiety spiral at chasing a bunch of strange men, Tirian me saw it as my due.

  We are the same, she replied. The difference is entirely artificial.

  Well, excuse me for being a little weirded out about sport fucking a group of strangers.

  Not fucking, testing. Look. My eyes were jerked towards the men who watched us. They want to prove themselves worthy of you, vie for your attention, as men should. Search among them, find those that you like, then test them. If they do not please you, if they will not make for good fathers for the cub, then you will discard them. It is the way.

  I spluttered mentally at that. It certainly wasn’t the way for most of my life. I would never have ended up with Rick if that was the case.

  Which is exactly the point. Now, they are going to start approaching you. That one has the lead, she said, referring to a tall man with longish black hair who wove his way between the tables, heading straight for us.

  My first response was I wanted to take a step back, the second was a little unexpected. Something sneaky, part me, part Tirian, wanted to inspect him closely, because damn… Along with that black hair was a pair of grey eyes that stood out starkly against his bronzed skin. Those full lips quirked a little when he caught me looking, giving him an almost boyish look, but it dissipated as soon as he drew near. My eyes flicked to the guys as they straightened up, moving ever so slightly closer to me.

  “Fellas,” he said, nodding to the guys, then he looked at me.

  Whoa, I thought, as it felt like his eyes speared right into me. He had a greeting right there on the tip of his tongue, but it died away when our eyes locked. He just stood there, shifting slightly, as if he wanted to come closer but held himself back and took me in.

  Why? was my first thought. The second? Closer. I wanted to get closer, to see if that big, muscular body was as nice as it looked in the black t-shirt and jeans that stretched over his lean form.

  Something he seemed to sense as a slow smile spread across his face. His eyes shone green for a second when he held out a hand. “I’m Sen. You must be Flick.”

  I didn’t take it initially, looking at the guys for…what? Their reaction? Their approval? Peter just nodded, and Aidan shrugged and said, “It’s up to you, Flick.”

  “Hi,” I said, making myself reach out and take his hand.

  He caught the moment I gasped as I felt a rolling wave of heat up my arm. It wasn’t like the mate bond I shared with Peter, but it was close. It seemed to catch him by surprise as well, that smile quickly faltering and replaced by something else entirely, something naked and vulnerable. It took a slight cough from Aidan, along with a sidelong ‘are you OK?’ look for me to pull away.

  “Um…look, I came over here to see if I could get you some breakfast,” Sen said finally.

  “Ah…sure, why not? Aidan and Peter will be sitting with us though.”

  “Of course.” His social mask had been re-situated. “Now, what can I get you?”

  I wasn’t sure what the big deal about getting me food from the buffet was, but apparently, it held meaning for the guys. Peter and Aidan sat on either side of me so that I could feel the warmth of their thighs against mine, but they watched Sen handle the two plates with obsessive fascination. I rolled my eyes and looked over to where Kade was playing with the other kids, his face alight with the fun of being chased by the increasingly large group of girls.

  “I better go get him, otherwise he’ll miss breakfast,” I said, about to get to my feet.

  “I’ll go,” Peter said, placing a hand on my thigh. His smile widened when he saw my reaction to his caress, a shiver going through me.

  I found myself missing his touch when he ambled over to the kids. His voice was a low rumble, he didn’t raise it for a moment, but the kids all came to heel pretty quick. There was a round of nodding heads, and then all of them headed towards their parents.

  “So just how bad is this heat likely to be?” I asked in a low tone to Aidan, my skin still throbbing from where Peter had touched me, which meant other things started pulsing in time with it. How was that possible? It felt like my body had been woken up from the stasis neglect and abuse had forced it into. Now it was becoming a lot more insistent about getting my attention.

  He shot me a sidelong look, then smiled, something both pleased and sweet all mixed in together. He leaned over, placing a gentle kiss at the corner of my mouth, and then before pulling away, said, “So, so much more intense. It takes over everything. Our Tirians are focussed on testing each other out and making bonds. It can be kind of alien. Ophelia’s working hard to keep your change from happening until you’re ready, and the other mums are geared up to set up a massive multi-day sleepover for the kids and Kade when it hits. But, Flick…” His hand came
to rest on my leg, then slid up, fingers digging into my inner thigh. “I can’t wait to see it. Even if you don’t choose me, even if all I do is watch, I know you’re gonna be fucking beautiful.”

  “I hope you like this.”

  Our heads whipped around to see Sen had taken a seat opposite us, his nostrils flaring as he placed a plate before me.

  “I’m sure I will,” I tried to say politely as I drew it towards me, but as it got closer, so did Aidan’s hand, until I felt the light graze of his finger on the central seam of my jeans. I almost choked on the mouthful of pancake I’d taken, something that caught both men’s attention. They looked at each other and then traded that universally male smirk, Sen’s eyelids dropping lower as he took a deep breath in.

  “Mum, they did pancakes today!” Kade said.

  “They did,” I said, my focus back on my son, and Aidan pulled his hand away so I could eat in peace. “But you need to have something healthy as well.”

  This earned me a long-suffering look, but I wasn't his focus for long.

  “Who are you?” he asked Sen.

  “Kade!”

  “It’s OK. I'm Sen. I came over to get to know your mum and you. You’re Kade, right?” He nodded. “You were playing with one of my little brothers. You know Johnny?”

  “He’s real tall and likes Mila.”

  Sen smiled at that. “Sounds about right.”

  “So you want to take Mum out for a date? Bring her flowers and take her to the movies?”

  Those grey eyes slid to me.

  “I’d like that very much.”

  “If she says yes,” I watched my son get to his feet, a queer power thrumming through his little body, “you better be nice to her. You hurt her? Peter will bash you.”

  As one, both men sat forward, arms resting on the table, as if to support what my son had said.

  “You’ve got a pack started, huh?” Sen nodded, pushing his food around with his fork. “I can respect that. And no bashings needed. No man here’s gonna hurt you or your mum. Anyone who does that gets sent away. I’d just like the chance to get to know the both of you.”

  “OK,” Kade replied with a nod. “Do you like Star Wars?”

  “I liked it when I was a kid.” I saw Kade frown at this. “Now I’m more a fan of the MCU movies. How about you?”

  “Mum won’t let me watch those movies. Says they’re too old for me.” Kade looked at Sen speculatively. “Would you let me watch them?”

  “Can’t go against your mum,” he said with a shake of his head, then shot me a wink. “Mum’s are always the boss.” He smiled as Kade slumped dramatically. “But there’s plenty of animated Marvel series. I think we still have some on DVD. What about that? Would that work?”

  The man watched Kade consider it with amusement, but seemed relieved when he finally nodded.

  “You can come over and watch with me and Aidan,” Kade declared.

  “C’mon, Kade, we better get you something with dietary fibre,” Peter said, getting to his feet, Aidan following suit.

  “You just want me out of the way so Sen can talk to Mum on his own.”

  “Busted,” Aidan said, steering him towards the buffet.

  “Nice little pack you got going,” Sen said, watching them go. “You wanting to add to it?”

  Did I? That question had so many permutations, it dizzied me.

  “I…” I put my fork down and rubbed my face. “I got out of an abusive relationship only a few weeks ago. I’m still working out what I want.”

  “Makes sense,” he said with a nod. “You’d have to know the matriarchs circulated that information. Would coming over there and sitting next to you be too much?”

  “Um…”

  “Why don’t you try it? See what you think, then if it makes you uncomfortable, you send me on my way.”

  He sounded so reasonable, I found myself nodding along, then tracking his movements as he walked around the table. He pushed his plate towards mine, then straddled the bench seat, his knee almost touching my leg. He leaned on the table, picking up his fork and spearing a piece of bacon on it.

  I just stared.

  People had warned me that this was coming, that other guys would be making plays, but nothing had prepared me for the reality. Sen looked like he should have been holding a bottle of high-end men’s cologne, shot in black and white and stuck in a fashion magazine, not sitting beside me, eating high cholesterol foods.

  “So how does this feel?” he asked, then crunched on the food.

  “Weird, and people are always asking me that.”

  “Just weird?” he asked, leaning forward, slowly, surely, and watching me. His eyes danced, as if he dared me to disagree with him, playing a strange little game of chicken I was bound to lose.

  Sure enough, I couldn’t take it. I trembled with the effort of holding still, breathing in his scent, feeling his proximity and the heat of his body.

  “That’s too close. Gotcha.” He settled back into his previous position, picking at his food.

  Too close? He seemed bloody nonchalant as my heart felt like it rebounded within the cage of my ribs, my breath coming in sharp little pants.

  He’s just a man. If he does not please you, send him away, my Tirian said. There are many who wish to take his place. Find one that triggers you less.

  Everyone and everything triggers me, I said, tossing my fork down on the table.

  “Sorry, that didn’t quite turn out the way I wanted it to,” Sen said.

  “Not your fault I’m a basket case,” I mumbled, keeping my eyes on the congealing food.

  “Did I hear you say badass?” My eyes jerked sideways to see him grinning, but there was no teasing there. Rather, he gave me a respectful nod, like one would to an equal.

  I snorted at that, then shook my head.

  “What kind of badass freaks out when a strange guy gets close to her?”

  “A warrior,” he said, the smile fading. “You fought the fucker who hurt the two of you and put him in his fucking place. You got some scars from it? Most fighters do.” He jerked the collar of his t-shirt down to show me a white scar across his collar bone. “Got chomped by a beastie when we were on patrol.” He pulled up his sleeve to reveal a long snaking scar down his bicep. “Got knifed by a dickhead who didn’t want to go home when the bar closed.” My heart rate slowed as I watched the show of tempting little glimpses of Sen’s body. Somehow, the scars made him both hotter and more approachable. Probably all part of his plan. “This one’s the worst. Nearly killed me.” The smile faded as he pulled up the hem of his shirt to reveal cobblestone abs and a scar like an explosion site, frozen in ropes of pink keloid scarring. “Fucking boar… The thing got his bloody great tusk into me. Tore me up good. You can touch it if you like.”

  I’d leant forward, studying the damage without even realising it, moving into his space as he had mine, causing him to grin again. That same challenging smile that belonged more on the face of some teenage boy, yet it pricked at me. I placed a hand down on his stomach, to the right of his belly button, and felt the strangely slick feeling of the scar. Then it came.

  That same warmth, it felt like sunlight on my skin, like being wrapped in a warm blanket, like the feel of fur between your fingers. It was weird and alienating, to feel something so intensely about someone I’d barely said two words to.

  “What is that?” I said.

  “Attraction,” he panted out, his smile failing and reinstating itself. “Stronger than fucking normal.” He covered my hand with his, but removed it as soon as I pulled away. “Look, I was gonna take this slower, but fuck it. Come out with me. Everyone reckons the boys have gotcha locked up in that house of yours. Come and see more of Sanctuary. I wanna get to know Kade a bit better, spend some time with your boys, but…”

  His words fell away as he stared at me, drawing closer, then stopping himself.

  “You don’t want me to touch you? I won’t. You want to go home at any point? I’ll take you t
here. Fuck, you can drive if you want. We don’t have much, but let me show it to you, Flick.”

  There was a desperate edge to his voice that sat oddly with his male model visage, something that had my eyes jerking up and documenting his every reaction. Because the view I’d built of myself did not include guys like him acting like this. Because I’d lived under the petty tyranny of one guy, aided and abetted by others. Because he was hot, because I liked the feel of him under my fingers.

  Because it made me feel, for just a minute, powerful.

  “This might be nothing. We might not like each other,” I said.

  “I’m not asking for promises. I’m asking for an opportunity. Say yes, Flick.”

  “So this is what it takes, does it?” a harsh voice broke in. Both of our heads jerked up to see a tall sandy-haired guy standing at the opposite side of the table, a dark-haired guy beside him. “That what Monster did, to get a chicky like you willing to climb Mount Everest? Showed you his boo boos? Got you hot under the collar?”

  “Who the fuck are you?” I snapped out without thinking. Something inside me cringed at that, but I was willing to bet my eyes flashed green as I felt my Tirian shift.

  “We’re the warm up act, love, if you wanna tackle our boy without rupturing your cervix,” the dark-haired man said. “Darren, Brett.” He pointed to each of them in turn.

  “These are friends of yours?” I asked Sen with a frown, already pulling away.

  “Not mine,” he said, then nodded off to the left-hand corner of the shed.

  Peter stomped over, his face like thunder, Kade and Aidan struggling to keep up. He nearly pushed a woman and her kids out of the way to get to us, and the effort it took to stop himself managed to calm him a little.

  “You bloody idiots,” Sen said. “Turn around now and slink on back to whatever hole you crawled out of. This is not the way to get a woman to want to rehabilitate you two useless fucks.”