Survivor Read online

  “How do you feel when she looks at you like that?” Sen asked, amused when he caught our startled looks. I’d been under some kind of spell wrought by Noah’s body without even realising it.

  “It’s hot. I like being looked at, watched. I always want attention, too much. It stops me from feeling invisible.”

  “Noah…” I said.

  “Don’t feel sorry for me,” he said, frowning momentarily. “That I hate. Look at me like you did beforehand, like I was beautiful to you.”

  “You are,” I replied. “All of you. I haven’t seen an average looking guy in this whole town.”

  His smile was gentle, happy for a moment. “So that’s not it then. So it must be…” His hand shot out, ready to take the remote from me, but I tightened my grip. Everyone heard the hiss of our breath as we made contact and that same sweet, hot feeling washed through us. I resisted his fingers’ pull, sliding my thumb along the dial.

  “Oh!” he said, his face a picture of bliss, his fingers boneless but not pulling away.

  Because he didn’t want to. He wanted to be touched so much, even if by proxy.

  “Is your skin hungry?” I asked, the words kind of nonsense, but I figured he’d understand what I meant. I saw the need rise in his eyes before he nodded.

  “So fucking much.”

  I reached out slowly, but he flinched anyway when my hand came to rest on his surprisingly warm hip. A small moan escaped his lips as he covered my hand with his.

  “Touch me wherever you want, Flick. I’m yours.”

  “Well, there’s an offer. That’s a whole new playground you’ve got on your hands,” Sen said.

  “He’s not a playground. He’s a person,” I snapped back.

  “One who’s craving your curiosity and your exploration.” Those grey eyes taunted me, daring me to go that step further.

  “In the bedroom,” I said, getting to my feet, and Noah didn’t move back to give me space until he absolutely had to.

  31

  So much for turning into a wolf, I thought, feeling like prey as I walked over to our room, the four on them hot on my heels. They came to stand by my bed, and for just a second, I admired the male beauty on display there. How the hell had I gotten so bloody lucky? I shook my head, not wanting to go down that rabbit hole.

  “Noah, I don’t know if I can do what you said you’d like to do.” That sharpened the eyes of my mates. They stared at him, not entirely friendly. “He said he’d like…”

  “I want to spend hours licking her clean, right after she’s been fucked and is full of cum. She’d be so sensitive. You’ll have been driving her mad for hours, her clit, her cunt. I’d be so gentle, just teasing that post-coital soreness she talked about, just reminding her so, so gently of what she’s been through.”

  “That’s what gets you off?” Aidan asked, arms firmly crossed.

  “It’s one of the many,” he said with a shake of his head. “They’re kinda encyclopaedic. I could go through them with the two of you over some beers if you like, make sure you’re cool with them. Nothing harmful or humiliating. I don’t like that at all.”

  “You sure that’s off the table, Flick?” Sen said with a long look at the way my thighs rubbed together on the bed.

  He was right. God, this heat was punishing. I’d only just gotten off, and now I could feel the twist inside winding tighter.

  “I’m not sure of anything, but I want everyone who’s staying to get on the bed. If you want to take a minute to have a drink or a shower—”

  “I’m in,” Aidan said, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

  “Always,” Peter said, coming to lie down behind me.

  Sen shook his head with a smile at the idea that I would even ask. He looked meaningfully at Noah, who still hovered at the end. Finally, the blond man said, “Just…just don’t touch me because you feel sorry for me, OK?”

  “Look at her,” Sen said. “You need to learn to read her. None of this is an exact science, but see how her nipples are budded tight? Look at the way her body is angling towards you. Her pupils are dilating, her breathing is slightly faster.”

  “That may be because I’m getting sick of waiting,” I said. “Get on the bed, Noah, or don’t. I get this is a vulnerable experience for you, really I do. Come here, see how you feel. It all stops when you want it to.”

  “And if I don’t?”

  Whoa, those eyes burned with a whole different light now.

  “Crawl over here and kiss me, and then we’ll see.”

  Despite the fact that I knew he turned into a wolf on the full moon, there was something feline about Noah. He sauntered over, doing as I asked before stopping in front of me. A small smile formed when I leaned in to him, waiting for him to close the gap. And when he did, the world went sideways.

  Well, really, I fell down onto the bed, instantly caught up in a swoon of feelings. If I’d found touching him overwhelming, the feel of his lips was something else entirely. His hair fell over me like a silken curtain, and I couldn’t help but reach up and touch it, the strands like feathers. The other went around his skull, tugging him down to deepen the kiss. I felt the echoes of the light brushes of his mouth all over my body, the texture of his lips so plush and soft. I found myself opening to him, wanting more, more, more. More of the taste of bacon and coffee and mint, his tongue swiping in and reminding me of just what he’d proposed to do before.

  I moaned when the mental picture came, of that satiny hair trailing down my body as his head moved lower, kissing his way down…

  His eyes went wide as I flipped him over onto his back, straddling him with a smile.

  “Everything OK, Flick?” Aidan asked.

  “Oh, she’s fine,” Peter replied for me, so I shot him a quick smile, but my eyes were drawn back to what was beneath me.

  How had Noah been overlooked? I traced my hand over the broad span of his shoulders and watched his arm muscles jump as he fought to hold himself back. I smiled down at him, recognising the effort it took and appreciating what opportunity I’d been given. Curling my hand, I ran the back of it over his collarbones, trailing down between his pecs, then placing the palm on his sternum.

  His heart beat at a furious pace, rattling around his chest, because of me.

  “How are you feeling?” I asked as I scratched a nail across his pale pink nipple. His lips fell open at that. “You like that?”

  He gave me a quick nod as I leaned down and ran my tongue along his chest before flicking his nipple with it. His hand came up, holding me in place, pressing me for more.

  “Flick…”

  “It’s OK,” I said, then circled that tight little bud with the tip of my tongue. I sucked it into my mouth, feeling that slippery sensation, then bit down gently.

  “God, I feel that in my cock.”

  I felt his hand slide down to help that along, but I batted him away.

  “Not yet,” I said, placing a kiss on his lips, but pulled away before he could return it.

  “So hard…” he groaned. I was sitting on top of his rigid length now, letting my hips shift back and forth slightly. “You’re so fucking wet. I can feel it. Let me—”

  “Not yet.”

  “Yet?”

  Those pale blue eyes went wide with hope that stopped me for a moment, but his hands went to my hips, encouraging me to keep moving. I shifted so the movement could grow longer, coating him in me, feeling that throbbing length and the need for it to be pushed inside me growing. I cocked an eyebrow at him, not willing to commit yet.

  But I was lying to myself, I knew that somewhere deep down. A banquet of male flesh had been laid out for me, and every restriction and responsibility had been taken away. What had Sen called me? A greedy girl. Well, right now I was. I wanted to glut myself on the four of them, with little care for the consequences. Just drown in them. Take and take and take until I collapsed, knowing they’d catch me.

  This is heat, my Tirian said. It is the feeding, it is the release, i
t is the test.

  That makes no bloody sense.

  Because you still need to be fed. You are like this one, starved of touch for so long, you will need much of it. Lie down, let this one take his fill. He has shown he has good stamina. He will please you greatly.

  But what about after? I think he wants—

  After is after. Now is now. Surrender to your hunger.

  And with that, the world reasserted itself. I hurriedly took in the guys’ intent observation, Sen most of all. Speaking of hunger, there was some of that in those grey eyes, before he realised I was looking. Then the calm, sensual mask was back in place. His eyes dropped down to where Noah writhed underneath me.

  “Please…” Noah begged.

  “What do you need?” I asked, stilling above him.

  He rolled us over so that he covered me with his body, his cock sliding between my thighs as he pressed a hot, messy kiss to my lips, all teeth and tongues.

  “Gonna make you come so fucking hard,” he promised, his eyes shining green, his voice a guttural growl as he moved down my body. He glanced over his shoulder at Aidan. “Will you hold her still?”

  Noah seemed to realise what he’d done when his eyes darted around, a pregnant pause filling the room.

  “I want to—”

  “Oh, we know what you want to do,” Aidan replied, coming to sit by my side. “You want this, love?”

  “You know the answer to that already,” I said softly, not liking the concern on his face.

  “I do. Me and Pete, we’ve been feeling a pull towards pinning you down, but we weren’t sure if you were ready for it.”

  “I guess I won’t know unless I try?”

  But as he settled behind me, I knew how this was going to go. It might have seemed a strange thing to allow someone I loved to hold me down, trapping my arms and legs, especially after I’d suffered so much when Rick had pulled similar shit with me. But the act to me wasn’t a trigger now. Everyone had been oh so careful about boxing me in when I was still healing, but as I felt the vice like grip of Aidan’s hands on my arms, stretching me out for Noah, I realised something. There was the odd familiarity of being trapped, an old frenemy, but it was coupled with that which was new.

  I was in the arms of one man who loved me and another who might come to. They wanted to destroy me with pleasure, not pain, and as I felt Noah’s sensitive fingers caressing my thighs, parting them for me, as he settled on the bed, I realised this was the moment I had become more than a survivor. Aidan smiled down at me when I whined at the first kiss placed on my inner thigh, stroking my hair back with one hand and gripping both my wrists with the other. I was strong. I was a mother, a lover, a friend, and as weird a realisation as it was to have when a strange man started licking your skin clean like a cat, I knew then I was a good person who hadn’t deserved any of what had happened to me.

  It turned out overthinking can be useful at times. Noah spent more time labouring over my cunt than any other man I’d ever met. He teased me with kitten-like licks up one thigh, until my clit throbbed and my slick overflowed, then backed off to do the same to the other leg. I was emitting one long, low, keening sound by the time he finished and pulled back, forcing my eyes open. I looked at him through slits and saw that cocky smile on that almost pretty face, transforming him into something radiant. He hooked his thumbs under my knees, pushing them up to my chest, splitting me open to his gaze. And stare he did, like I was something magical he dare not drag his eyes away from.

  He did finally, turning to me and saying, “You sure now, Flick? Like, I’ll stop if you want me to, but it's gonna be…it's gonna be hard.”

  “I’m sure. Please, Noah. I need you.”

  I was treated to an almost boyish grin before he settled down, face perilously close to where I needed him to be, my leg angling out to draw him closer.

  “Grab her leg,” Sen said to Peter. “I’ll grab the other.”

  The feel of them settling next to me and the pressure of their bodies anchored me, kept me grounded as Noah’s tongue flicked out.

  Initially, he was gentle, just taking little sipping tastes of me, a low hum in his throat telling me what he thought about that. Then that cunning little tongue got quite a lot more adventurous, tunnelling down into my depths, it too slick, too mobile to give me the rougher pressure I needed, but that just made me ache all the more. He shifted, swiping up with long broad strokes of the flat, my legs twitching under their restraints as he grazed over my clit but otherwise avoided it.

  “Noah…” I sighed, part plea, part acknowledgement of the world class head he was giving. Before coming to Sanctuary, there’d been a degree of fear when a guy went down on me. How long was he going to tolerate doing this? Was he any good? Would I get off? How did I ask him to move a little to the left or right and then flick…oh yes, just like that!

  Instead, I was rocked on a dreamy sea of sweet, soft caresses that fell upon me like snowflakes, each sizzling on contact and dissipating, only to be replaced by another and another.

  “Noah…Noah…”

  My voice was ragged for calling his name, but on he went, until my voice cracked, until those mobile fingers teased my aching cunt, brushing way too briefly over my clit before thrusting in.

  “Oh fuck!”

  “You’re OK, love. You look like a fucking goddess,” Aidan soothed. “Make her come, Snow, as many times as you can. She looks ripe for it.”

  “Forced orgasms? Fuck, yes,” he said. “I’m gonna press pretty firmly on your g-spot, so just tell me if it hurts.” He noted the tensing of my thighs. “But it shouldn’t. It should blow your fucking head off.” He waited for a nod before bending over me again, his tongue tracing the length of my clit hood as his fingers thrust in and out, slowly building up the pressure to the sounds of my moans.

  Jesus fucking Christ.

  I’d had a few partners acquaint themselves with my g-spot over the years, but apparently, they knew nothing, Jon Snow. I felt the customary intense pleasure-slash-pressure, my clit almost blossoming in response to it, but his licks grew lighter, depriving me of the rapid flick I wanted. He chuckled at the sound of my growls and pushed harder.

  “Oh fuck!”

  It was hard to describe what happened. It was like everything just swelled up and burst somehow. That sounds really painful, but it was amazing. His licks grew firmer, his hums louder when he finally wrapped his lips around my clit, suckling on it as he continued to stroke. It was less ‘come-hither’ and more ‘you’re gonna come fucking hard, bitch.’

  And I did.

  My eyes flicked open, staring blindly at the ceiling as my cry sliced through the air. I sobbed openly, tears streaming down my face as it happened. My clit felt like it was being sandwiched between his fingers and his lips, massaged and stroked in ways it had never been before. Rather than the fast explosion of orgasm, it was so much slower. Heart breaking in intensity, it just kept spreading and spreading as my cunt fluttered erratically around his fingers, and then it peaked. I was completely and utterly awash with a pleasure so intense, it shut everything else down. It surged through me, rewriting me, transforming muscles and cells, soothing ragged nerves, bathing me in a golden bliss, that for a moment, turned the world white. Something flooded from me, licked away hungrily by Noah, despite the electric zaps that made my body jerk with every sweep.

  “More?”

  That one word took my brain an aeon to put together as his fingers trailed lightly over me. Then as it started to come online, one dropped lower to circle my anus, teasing the tight muscle there.

  But that wasn’t what I needed right now. I couldn’t handle his dislocated love-making anymore. I wriggled out of everyone’s grip, reaching for Noah.

  “Hang on, love, you need to let some circulation—”

  I silence Sen’s oh so sensible advice with an honest to goodness snarl, hauling Noah up.

  “Flick, it's OK, I—Oh!”

  I watched his response hungrily, taking in every
detail as I lined his cock up and then pulled his hips closer.

  “Oh!” He kept repeating that same funny little exhalation the deeper he sunk, until his forehead came to rest on mine. “Oh, Flick, you feel so good.”

  This Noah wasn’t quite so well practised away from the little scenarios he’d been playing in his head. Now he was here, connected to me, and I gloried in every micro-expression that crossed his face. His head twisted on his neck, and his eyes shut tight as he moved, stroking in and out of my deliciously tortured flesh, stirring up that old ache and replacing it with a new one. For him.

  I hadn’t really understood the point of the heat until now, but our Tirians were wise creatures. Sex brings forth a complex array of hormones, responses, and pleasures that we spend quite a lot of time putting up barriers to. It’s what made it possible for us to do something so shockingly intimate as putting our bodies in the hands of another, then walk away emotionally unaffected moments after we had what we wanted. But maintaining that in a heat?

  The endless responsiveness lulled the mind, dismantling those boundaries we kept between us in a sea of pleasure to let things in. Let the other person’s needs, wants, desires, pleasure in. Let their ideas and experiences in. Let their history and their predilections, their hopes for the future. What should have been a mindless orgy was actually something else. Some people I’d met at parties at uni had babbled on about tantra and sacred sexuality, and I’d dismissed it all as hippy bullshit, but what else was this?

  As if sensing my mood, Noah opened his eyes and then shifted us so he was in a seated position with me straddling him. He looked at me with the softest eyes and then kissed me as he pushed back inside me.

  “Does this… Is it better for…?” I asked between kisses.

  “The plug? Well, yeah, it presses on my prostate so damn good, but that’s not it.” He studied me for a moment, not changing our slow, rocking pace. “You might not want me to do this again. I want to feel you and smell you and bury everything I am in you, so that if this is it, I’ve got something to take back with me when I go home.”