Survivor Read online

  I heard a choked cry from Aidan, and my eyes swivelled around to see a very large bag branded with a high-end sex shop’s logo on the side. It bulged with boxes and what looked like several kilos of silicone sex toys.

  “Fuck, Mum…” Aidan groaned.

  “Yes, your mother wanted your first heat to be its best,” Ophelia said, holding the bag out to Aidan, but he just backed away from it.

  “I’ll take it,” Peter said, pulling out a few phallic objects and waving them at my mate. “What was your mum thinking was gonna happen tonight?”

  “I don’t want to know. Take it away. It scares me.”

  “This might,” Peter replied, grabbing a little cat o’ nine tails. He was grinning, but all our smiles faded when he gave it a short flick, the cracking sound filling the air. This was followed by a quiet whine from Snowy.

  “We’ve got this,” Sen said, walking over and taking the bag, then putting his hand on me. He noted my every reaction as soon as his fingers touched me like he needed it.

  “Well, Flick, call me if you need me,” Ophelia said, but even an alpha knew when to make a hasty retreat.

  “Got any lube in there?” Snowy asked, ignoring the silent snarls of the guys to dig through the bag and retrieve several items, the lube only one of them. He hefted a reasonable-sized butt plug in his hand, then looked up at me and gave me a lightning quick smile. That soon gave way to a heavily hooded gaze as he looked at me like I was a well-oiled supermodel, ready for a full body massage. “Call me if they get too tired to see to you. Seriously, bring me in.”

  And just when the guys were going to launch themselves at him, he turned on his heel, seeming to know where the spare room was without being shown. He opened the door, shot me a glance over his shoulder, and then shut it on us with a click.

  Which left just us four.

  It was hard to describe how this went. Nothing in my life had prepared me for it. The level of freedom… For as long as this lasted, I had the run of the house and them… My body swayed with that realisation. I’d effectively been a single parent with Kade, though worse, because I had to protect him from the person I shared a house with, so this was an odd feeling. ‘Mother’ hadn’t been my label, it was my life, and now I was going to put that to one side for a little while.

  I wasn’t sure what I expected when they all filed into the room. To start stripping off, to crowd closer maybe? Instead, they each took up position around the room, waiting. The quiet brought it all to the fore—the biting need in my skin, the low simmering fire in my pelvis, waiting for the tiniest spark to flare to life. And they wanted to be that spark. They watched me for any sign, any little movement that would make it OK to come forward. I admired that restraint, it made me feel safe, but I also despaired of it. So much of my sexual experiences before coming here had been me on the receiving end—of their need, their desire. Now I was left alone with mine.

  My hand went to the top button of my shirt, pulling a tiny groan from Sen. I glanced at each one of them, and they nodded. Peter was the closest. Once I started walking towards him, I knew that was what I wanted, feeling better and more confident the closer I got. He opened his arms for me, letting me settle against his chest, raise my head, and breathe in deep lungfuls of him. That woody, musky scent of his clouded my mind, bringing that same snake-like languor to my body. I curled my arm up around his neck and brought his head down.

  He tasted sweet and dark, like the rum and Coke he’d been drinking, and my lips parted, mouth opening wide, wanting to take as much of him as I could inside me.

  “Flick?” he said when he pulled back, placing a hand on my hip. I grabbed it impatiently, pushing it up under my shirt to the sound of his groan.

  “Fuck…” he gasped. “You’re so hot.”

  “Slide her top up, brother. Show us what we’ve been waiting to see.”

  My eyes flicked open to see Aidan and Sen had come closer, shifting like animals before the hunt.

  “Just one button,” Sen pleaded, his eyes watching every move of Peter’s hand.

  “This button?” Peter asked, teasing the small plastic disc with his finger, then sliding it through the gap in the shirt to my bare skin below.

  “Fuuuck…” Aidan said. “We don’t need to string it out. We’ll be crawling the walls for the next week. Babe, let's get you naked, and I’ll make you feel so fucking good.”

  “What do you think, Flick? You ready for this?”

  I didn’t allow myself to think too much about that. My Tirian was right—my monkey brain would just get in the way. Instead, I did the exercises Ophelia had prescribed me, taking one deep breath, then another, and bringing my focus to the now.

  Invited in, my libido roared to life. I just let my gaze trail over all of them as my body became fire. It felt heavy, sodden through with desire for them, to feel them, touch them, and my fingers twitched with that need. So I gave into it.

  I smoothed Peter’s shirt up, revealing an abdomen tensed tight against my touch. He took over taking the shirt off as I focussed on trailing my fingers through the channels between each muscle. His skin felt like satin, the muscles becoming granite when I shoved my hand down to his waistband.

  “Flick…” he growled in warning.

  “Yes,” I said, nodding, then unzipped him when he didn’t protest. His brows knitted as I pushed his jeans down his hips, and there he lay—big, thick, hard across his hip.

  “Commando?” I said with a smile.

  “You seemed to like it in Aidan.”

  “So all this time, I could have stuck my hand down the front of your jeans and found this ready and waiting for me?”

  “Yesss…” It came out as a long hiss as I wrapped my hand around him, followed by some sobbing pants. I felt his length pulse in my hand, as if jumping with enthusiasm. “Flick…” he said, trying to push my hand away. “I’m gonna spurt like a cub.”

  “You that wound up?” I asked, then moved my hand up and down his cock, nice and slow, every muscle in his body tensing as I did so, as if to hold back what I knew to be inevitable. “You on that edge?”

  “Yes…yes…yes…”

  “So it would really push you over if I did this?”

  I heard the other men groan as I bent over and took Peter into my mouth.

  “Fuck! Fuck…” the big man yelped, his hands coming to rest on my shoulders. “Need to… Should be…”

  “Whatever you want to do, you can after you’ve come, right?” I asked after pulling away. “You’ll get hard again quickly?”

  “Again and again, until our bodies crap out,” Aidan said, now standing next to us. “Make our boy pop, love. This is no time for one and done.”

  I wrapped both hands around Peter’s cock, Aidan watching me and me watching him as I lowered my head down, until I felt his head part my lips. Then it was the customary struggle to get as much of him inside my mouth as possible.

  “Flick…” Peter groaned, saying my name over and over again as I moved. His shaft went rock hard, pulsing and jerking as he rushed towards orgasm, dry firing in erratic little spurts before the real thing came. I felt the reverberations of his roar all through my body as he jerked up and into my mouth, wedging his cock there as rope after rope of cum burst out. He dragged me up and against the wall, slamming his lips down on mine when he had finally recovered, his lips quickly dropping to my neck. “Gonna get you back for that. Spread you out and eat you whole.”

  My cunt twitched at that, remembering just how good he was at that.

  “Promise?”

  “Hey, stop bogarting the babe,” Aidan’s voice broke in. I turned within the cage of Peter’s arms and saw him watching us with a mixture of heat and amusement. “C’mere.” He wiggled his fingers, gesturing me closer. I gave Peter one last kiss and then ducked under his arm and into Aidan’s. “Hey,” he said, just cradling me there for the moment.

  “Hey.”

  “How you doing with all of this? You OK?”

  He was sw
eet, really he was, but I wasn’t sure when the last time I’d felt this alive was. My every nerve was throbbing in time with my heart, which beat for them.

  I answered with a kiss that started out slow, just wanting to feel the press of his lips against mine, feeling Aidan. But the pulse that throbbed inside me wouldn’t let that be. It began with sucking his bottom lip, then letting it go to tease his mouth open with my tongue, his joining mine seconds later. It wasn’t until our kiss got open mouthed and hungry, teeth abrading each other’s lips, that he pulled back.

  “Fuck…” he said, catching his breath. “I thought I knew what I was getting with this, but I had no fucking idea.” His fingers trailed along my bare forearm. “Stroking one out in your room in rapid succession is nothing compared to this.”

  I smiled, liking his reverent tone very much, the way his breath came faster when I started unsnapping the buttons on his shirt even more, but he stopped me when I got to the bottom one, forcing me to pause when I went to push my hand in and against his chest.

  “I want you to touch me everywhere, as I’m intending to do the same with you, but what about your boy there?” He turned me around to face a restless Sen, who paced the floor, his fists balled tight. “He’s looking wound pretty up right about now. What are you gonna do about it?”

  “Always thinking of everyone else,” I said, looking over my shoulder. “Maybe I want you to pull my jeans down, bend me over the bed and fuck me? What about that?”

  He growled against my shoulder, digging his teeth in slightly.

  “If you had any idea how much I want to do that, you wouldn’t say that.”

  “Yes, I would.”

  The words were out before I could think twice, but he just chuckled, a low, dirty sound. He tugged me back hard against him, rubbing his jeans clad lump against my arse.

  “Yeah, you probably would in your current mood, but we usually keep dominance fucks for when someone’s misbehaving.”

  “Dominance fucks?”

  “It’s when you fuck members of your pack to show another member just what he’s missing or when he’s messing up. Now, before my control is completely shredded by your fucking scent, what are we doing with Sen? Do you want him? Want to touch him? Want him to watch? You haven’t done much…”

  Aidan’s voice trailed off when I walked away, his words directing my focus. Now all I could see was the dark man, my eyes scanning his t-shirt for hints of the body as I moved closer, only to remember I could see it, all of it. My hand went to the hem, fingers pushing up until I felt the hot skin underneath it. I looked up into those grey eyes, watching my every move, waiting for permission.

  “What do you want, Flick?” he said.

  I jerked back at his comment, though his hand covered mine, stopping me from going too far. I frowned, looking down at our hands, feeling those same hot, hot waves of pleasure rushing over me. It was like his mouth and hands were already in all the places I wanted them, which made me wonder what it would feel like when they were. But his words…

  His smile came and went in seconds as he continued to stare.

  “We don’t know each other yet. I wanted time, to try and…” His eyes dropped to where my fingers wriggled, unable to stop from stroking the small square of him I’d been allocated. “I like to know what my lovers want, what they need. I like to talk through things.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I like to control things. I’ll want to take over sometimes and direct you all in ways that’ll just make you come that much harder, but I can’t do that if I don’t know what you want. Tell me what you thought about yesterday in the mess. What did you see in your mind?”

  His other hand went to my chin, lightly rubbing his thumb against it, but with that caress, he kept me from looking away.

  “Flick?”

  “You OK?” Aidan asked, coming up behind me to stroke my shoulders and sides. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

  It was then I realised how a pack worked. In some ways, it gave people more freedom to be who they were without having to be everything to one person. Aidan was always going to be a caregiver, and Peter would be my gentle rock of strength, but… It felt disloyal to even think it, as I could see we would rub along fine, a nice unit of sweet and loving support. A family, in other words.

  But what if there could be more? Was this in the minds of all women? Wanting the secure relationship and the demon lover all at the same time? And was that what Sen was? I watched him closely, like one would a specimen under a microscope, initially focussed on the intensity of his stare as he asked for every little dirty secret of mine and the opportunity to create more. But there was more there. Part of him didn’t want this. I could feel the tension in him, thrumming.

  “You don’t always want to,” I said with a cock of my head, removing my chin from his hand. “Part of you doesn’t want to control things at all.” His eyes narrowed, and I took the resulting flare of fear and need as my due. “Part of you wants to do exactly as I said, throw me down on the bed and just rut inside me with little to no care of my needs or pleasure, but secretly hoping I’ll love it.” His teeth bared slowly, his eyes bleeding to green as I saw his beast push forward. “You want to be the big bad wolf.”

  His hand slammed down on my wrist, gripping me tight, to Aidan’s consternation.

  “Tell me what you saw. I felt a flare of the most intense sensation, like you were lowering your wet little cunt onto my cock right there in the mess hall when you thought it. Took every-fucking-thing I had not to come right there and then. Tell me.”

  My heart was galloping. Of course, it was. There were elements of what I’d gone through with Rick here—the tight grip, the sharp demands. But it wasn’t.

  We like to play with dominance, my Tirian purred. Make it feel like there’s something to fear when there isn’t.

  Isn’t there?

  She laughed at that, something incongruous from a wolf.

  Let him play his little games. Monkey brains delight in such things, and I’ll keep an eye on him, see if he is a worthy mate.

  “You,” I said by way of a belated reply to Sen. “I saw the guys holding me down on the bed, forcing me to lie there while you…” He nodded, a faint smile forming, encouraging me to continue. “While you ran those hands that feel so fucking good all over me and your head dropped between my legs.”

  “Yeah? I can make that work. Now?”

  “We better, before I pull away and all my social conditioning slams down on me, sending me scuttling out that door to hide in the bathroom.”

  “Don’t scuttle. No scuttling.” I could hear it now, an echo of Ophelia’s alpha whip in his voice, his will pushing down on me. I could push back if I wanted, shove his suggestion off with a snort. But I didn’t want to. I could see how this might work. He’d use that push to ‘make’ me do exactly what I wanted, giving me the excuse I needed.

  “You get it,” he said, his tone much more gentle now, his smile softer. I nodded.

  “And right now, I need you to kiss me like you would have if we’d gone on that date, before you let your freak flag fly.”

  “Freak?” One eyebrow cocked up at that, but he cupped my jaw and lowered his lips to mine, just brushing them at first, testing and tasting, then surging forward when I opened my mouth for him.

  I got lost in him, that foreign taste of sour beer and Sen, the feel of his mobile tongue, his hands tugging me against him, until I had to pull away to catch my breath.

  “Get out of those clothes,” he said, “and I’m gonna get out of mine. I want you spread out naked on the bed by the time I’m done.”

  Aidan was waiting when I turned around, a look of concern on his face. That made sense. He’d seen exactly what had happened to Kade and I at the hands of a controlling man. His mouth opened, ready to…what? Warn me? Check in?

  “I love you,” I said, moving in close, linking my hands with his.

  “I love you too, Flick, but…are you s
ure you want this? After…”

  “Force my hand up.”

  “What?”

  “Force my hand. Grab it tighter and move it somewhere. Please, Aidan.”

  He shook his head, and then I saw his arm flex, his grip tighten, and then…

  And then nothing. It seemed completely odd, his muscles so much larger than mine, but he couldn’t move my hand an inch away from where I held it. I felt his muscles begin to tremble, his face flushing red with the effort of trying to move me, as if he needed it, to reassure himself I was strong enough to resist him, all of them.

  I stroked his face when he finally gave up, looking around the room, sure my eyes were blazing green at that moment. The others nodded to me, acknowledging what had just been shown. I could surrender to them, for my pleasure and theirs, but I was strong now.

  I placed my mouth on Aidan’s ear, whispering into it, though I’m sure everyone could hear what was said. “I love you, Aidan. You’ve held me and Kade so gently, so patiently. You’re a born husband and father. You have so much love to give, and every day I wake up, I can’t believe it's me you choose to give it to. But for this to be more than a brother-sister relationship, I need the Aidan you keep at bay to come forward. The Aidan who watches me with hungry eyes every time I come to bed, who kisses me just that little bit too hard, who wants to just fuck me sometimes, rather than always making love.”

  I just listened to the ragged sound of his breath and felt his fingers dig into my skin.

  “None of you can make me do what I don’t want to do,” I told the three of them, “but I’m interested to see what you want. I’m not a survivor, I’m moving beyond that. I want to take risks, find whoever this new me is. You’ve been placed here, by the alpha, by my beast, by fate? I don’t know. But I want the freedom to try new things, and I want to do it with you.” For a minute, I could see Snowy and his little selections from the bag, my eyes straying to it left discarded in the corner. “All of you.”

  “You’re still clothed,” Sen said, his hand going to his belt buckle.

  I smiled, as happy as a child, and went to undress.