Survivor Read online

  I pulled his head down and kissed him to mask the tears that pricked at my eyes. Had anyone ever spoken to me like that? Like I was some kind of fucking prize they’d spent their life dying to win? Like I was precious? I searched my mind half-heartedly for any example before Peter and came up with nothing. I’d had relationships and love affairs before Rick, but they were was always something small, furtive, almost as if we were embarrassed by the whole thing. Not Peter. He held nothing back, except one thing.

  “It was good to talk about this,” he said, finally pulling back, on his knees between my thighs. “I should’ve… I just didn’t want to…scare you.”

  I chuckled and reached up, wrapping my hand around his shaft.

  “It’s not an actual monster. It’s just a really big dick. And it's what you do with it that determines what makes it monstrous, not the size.” I paused for a second, remembering too many examples of just that. “Let's just promise each other to go slowly and try not to hurt each other. Yeah?”

  His agreement came out as a long groan as I swivelled my hand around his length.

  “Fuck, that feels so damn good…”

  On impulse, I shifted, moving until I crouched at his knees. His eyes flicked open as my tongue extended, then focussed sharply as I licked from base to tip. He tasted of salty, clean male skin, something I was about to get a bit more acquainted with. Feeling bolder, I circled that bulbous head, licking up to that sensitive spot just under it, then sucking it into my mouth.

  “Oh Flick…” he gasped, despite the fact that I wasn’t able to take very much of him, but I tried my damnedest to work with what I could, swirling and lashing my tongue as I worked him with my mouth. His breath whistled between his teeth, then became open mouthed pants as I got faster. His hands were as light as feathers on my shoulders, the only indication of what I was doing to him in the restive way they kept moving, until finally, he jerked free.

  His cock hung angry and red, slick with my saliva, and jerking with tension, before he pushed me down onto the bed.

  “Tell me I can taste you. Tell me I can taste my mate.”

  “You want to…?” He crawled down the line of my body, his eyes boring into mine, making it clear what he wanted.

  “Pussy tastes like shit,” Rick had told me a year into our relationship. “Don’t matter how often you wash it, it still fucking stinks.”

  I reached for him, ready to stop him, but his eyes dropped down. He looked at me, wet and slick, with a wide smile spread across his face, like I’d given him his favourite meal.

  “Look at you, so sweet and wet.” He placed a kiss on my inner thigh. “Tell me I can. I’ll stop whenever you want but…”

  I nodded once, not trusting myself to speak. He lunged forward, and I tamped down the rush of fear he inspired when he covered me with his mouth.

  “Oh!” My eyes went wide and unseeing, staring at the ceiling as I felt him. He ate me like a man starved, burying his face in me and licking up all he could, sucking my clit and thrusting his tongue inside. “Oh god!”

  It’d been over a decade since I’d felt anything like this, and now that it was back, I knew I’d never settle for anything less. My Tirian gave a self-satisfied snort as I lay there, spread out like a starfish as he worked me higher and higher, his thick fingers sliding in and hooking upwards.

  God, here it is, I thought with the first wash of orgasm. My whole body tensed, as if bracing for what was to come, and for good reason. It started in the base of my spine, throbbing sullenly, then in great spasming clenches of my cunt around his fingers as my clit exploded.

  “God yes…” I sobbed, over and over, as I shook with it. It felt like I could see the moon and the stars and the worlds beyond as the waves washed over me, and he just powered on as I came, pushing me for more and more and more, until finally, I had to gasp for him to stop.

  There’s a particular kind of camaraderie that comes from having good sex. He flopped down beside me, grinning with an ease I don’t think I’d ever seen. He pulled me close, holding me against his heaving chest before dropping kisses on the top of my head. For a moment, I just hung there, collected up and held with no more responsibility than to breathe. And I did, catching that spicy male scent that made my head spin, until finally we pulled apart.

  “That was amazing,” I said, the words sounding weird, not adequate to describe what had just happened. My body felt electric, like someone had turned a switch on that I hadn’t realised was off. “Seriously, if you had any idea how long it's been since someone’s done that…” I shook my head, then looked down between us. He was still rigid, but seemed unfazed by this. “I don’t know if anyone’s ever just…got me off without expecting anything.”

  “Anytime, anywhere…” he purred. I looked at him and saw it wasn’t just me. He looked lit from within, almost glowing with pleasure.

  “Roll over,” I said, watching, waiting to see if he’d do it. I didn’t tell Rick what to do, didn’t want to. I’d just wanted him to bugger off.

  “Want to go round two?” Peter asked me with a smile, reaching out for me when I straddled him, but I was too low for that. I kneeled astride his knees and then reached out.

  “Flick…” He’d been about to insist I didn’t need to do this, I was sure, but those words died off when I wrapped my hand around him. I made it slow and sensual at first, just running my palm up and down his shaft, twisting my wrist as I went, which seemed to pull almost pained gasps from him.

  “You OK?” I asked.

  He couldn’t answer as his body tensed, providing this truly impressive view of his muscles standing proud, but when I slowed, he nodded quickly. I let his reactions be my guide, scanning his body, listening to the wild music of his groans and pants, to tell me what I needed to know.

  His body vibrated like a struck guitar string when he came, his whole body thrusting into the last few strokes, and then a guttural cry released as his cum erupted. It splattered over his stomach and chest at a rapid rate, my fingers tightening to prolong the pleasure, until finally, his hand went to my wrist to stop me.

  I felt curiously proud that I’d been able to bring him low and devastate him with pleasure, because that’s what he looked like. He just lay there limply, then opened his eyes a crack to look at me.

  “C’mere,” he rasped, so I snatched his shirt up off the floor and tossed it to him to clean up the mess, then settled down beside him again. “That was fucking amazing. It’s been a bloody long time for me too, Flick, but fuck, I’m glad it was you.”

  “It was.”

  “Maybe…” He rolled towards me, scanning my face. “If you feel up to it, we could do something like that again.”

  My eyes dropped down to his chest, and for a minute, I just watched my finger trace figure eights on his skin. He wasn’t pushing, wasn’t demanding, but I felt the tension in my body at the suggestion of any kind of future play. I’d really enjoyed today, would probably enjoy it if we did it tonight, but…Rick and his mapped-out expectations, always changing but always screaming more. That wasn’t what was happening right now but…

  “Check in with me,” I said. “Sorry, this isn’t going to be a spontaneous, tear each other’s clothes off thing, but if you ask me how I’m doing, feel me out about it, that’d probably be best.” I sighed and felt his hand stroke my hair. “I just can’t predict how I’ll feel at any given moment. I’m not sure I’m the best mate material.”

  “Don’t say that.” He tipped my chin up and looked into my eyes. “You’ll always be the best mate for me. I don’t mind checking in, neither of us will mind if you say no. Not now, or later.” He stroked my hair back from my face and said, “You’ve given me the most amazing gift, one I don’t know how to put into words, but, I’ll never take that for granted, love. I just wanted you to know I loved this, love touching you, and any time you feel up for it, so am I.”

  I didn’t get to reply, a buzzing sound alerting us to a text being sent through. Peter rolled over and pi
cked up his phone, then smiled when he unlocked the screen. There were several photos of Kade playing with a bunch of other kids at what looked like a local park. He swiped through each one, and we laughed at his pained expression at being mobbed by the girls.

  “I need to meet some of these families, especially if Kade’s going to do sleepovers,” I said, something roiling inside my stomach at the thought of that.

  Who were they? Did they know what had happened, to me and to Kade? Would they make him feel safe and secure? Would they—

  “Why don’t we go and see them now? Watch our boy?” Peter asked.

  I nodded and then jumped off the bed to put some clothes on.

  16

  I’m not sure about other women, but for me, there is no place more awkward than the playground. We got out of Peter’s truck in the park carpark, and I could see Aidan sitting there, watching Kade play, separate from a large group of mums. I flinched when I felt a hand take mine but settled when I saw it was Peter. Of course it was Peter, but my nervous system hadn’t seemed to get that message yet. He rubbed a thumb across my knuckles, and then we walked over.

  I felt the eyes of the other mothers on us as we went, not unfriendly, not malicious, but intent. We were animals on their turf, and they were sizing us up. I forced myself to turn and look back, and I was greeted by a series of waves and smiles.

  Should we go over? I thought. There’s some familiar faces there, I think.

  “Go say g’day,” Peter said. “I’ll catch up with Aidan. See how he’s doing.”

  And fill him in on what had happened. I guessed that’s how it worked when you had a multi-partner relationship.

  “OK,” I said, drawing in a deep breath.

  They’re trying their best, I thought as I approached. Everyone looked up, welcoming smiles plastered over their faces, though I could see the eyes roaming, taking in me and the boys beyond me. Were they looking for signs of injury? And was it from Rick or Peter?

  Monster…

  The urge to strut a little rose and was instantly smothered. Were they looking at the woman they thought had ridden the biggest cock in town? Maybe they’re looking for evidence of bow legs, I thought with an internal snicker.

  “Hi, you’re Flick, right? I’m Amy, and this little button is Ella,” a young woman nursing a baby said as I pulled up.

  “Yep and hi, Amy. And you guys?”

  “Janice,” another woman with grey eyes and dark hair said with a smile. “I’m here watching some of my grand niece and nephews.”

  “Arelia,” a woman said, holding out a hand. She sat stiff backed, regal as a queen. I took it awkwardly, the other women’s eyes widening. “My daughter, Kiralee is quite taken with your Kade.”

  “Of course,” I said. “She’s very precocious. She seems to know her own mind about things.”

  And then I saw it, on the other woman’s face—that split second of fear. The mask slipped for a moment as her eyes darted around, scanning the playground for hidden enemies that were never going to be there. She mastered it with a widening of her eyes and then a conscious smoothing of her features, something no one else would have noticed, but I did. I sat down on her end of the bench, something that earned me another smile, one a little more heartfelt.

  “So, you’re mated to Monster…” Amy said, but this provoked a quick shake of the head from Janice. “Sorry, I’ve known him since we were kids. It was what we always called him, being such a big guy. Peter, huh? What’s that like?”

  I smiled, slow and theatrical like, then looked over at her and said, “Fulfilling in ways I had never thought possible.”

  Which is accurate, despite the deliberate double entendre, I thought when I looked over at the kids and the boys. They’d been roped into the games, and both men had more kids climbing on them than the play equipment. They were laughing, and obviously, some great weight had been lifted from Peter by today, which brought an echoing feeling in my own heart. That I could… That I could have that kind of impact on anyone, especially someone like him, was so dizzying, it took me a while to realise the ladies were talking to me.

  “It’s good to see Peter has found his mate,” Janice said. “I knew one of his fathers well. He’d be proud to see how well he’s doing. And your boy seems to have taken to them.”

  “Yeah, Aidan particularly, but I think he’s warming to both of them. He’s done it tough.” My eyes fell to the dirt below, studying the gum nuts and dead leaves. “He had a lot of nightmares, he…” There had been days where we just watched endless episodes of Star Wars: Clone Wars, sitting on the couch while he snuggled up to me and then Aidan as well. “We’re getting there.”

  “You poor things,” Amy clucked. “I just can’t imagine my mates turning their fists on me.” A godawful growl came from her chest, causing the baby’s eyes to flick open for a moment, then settle again when her mother cooed at her. “Nor Ella.” She turned to me, her eyes flashing green for a moment. “You were right to walk away, Flick.”

  “You were brutalised by your former mate?” Arelia asked before I had a chance to reply. That same haunted cast I’m sure was a mirror to mine returned to her eyes. “My Kiralee, she has been pestering me each day for… What is it called when a child asks another to their house?”

  “A play date?” I asked. How did a mother of a child not know what a play date was? “That’d be great. Kade would love it. Do you have a phone number?”

  Arelia pursed her lips and then shook her head.

  “Arelia’s still finding her feet too,” Janice said. She then proceeded to explain how the woman could use the walkie talkie system to contact me, and we worked out where we each lived.

  “It’d be good to start meeting some of the parents, or packs you feel comfortable with,” Janice said. “The full moon is coming soon. If you turn…”

  You’ll go into heat, I thought, my eyes automatically straying to the guys. Whatever that means.

  I just nodded, getting to my feet with promises to meet Arelia and Kiralee tomorrow.

  “And men. You’ll want to meet more of the single men and see who you want to test out. Even if you don’t go into heat, it's a stimulating time,” Amy said with a waggle of her eyebrows.

  “Not if she does not wish for their attentions,” Arelia said stiffly.

  “We can put the word around that you don’t want to look at any other contenders, but…” Janice said, her face looking a little drawn. “That’ll… It’s the time when instincts run high and all our human qualms get shouldered to one side. We’ll make sure you’re safe, even if every woman in the town has to stand guard at your door.”

  “I’ll fight them to a man,” Arelia said with a growl.

  I just looked at them, Amy somewhat dreamy eyed, as if remembering something gorgeous, Arelia about to take on the world.

  “Sorry, I think we need to go one step backwards,” I said. “This whole idea has only been brought up briefly.”

  So they circled around and filled me in.

  I watched the guys when we got inside the car, sitting in the back with Kade. My eyes took in every damn detail hungrily. The long swoop of Aidan’s blond hair, tucked behind his ears, the increasingly long beard he was sporting. What would that feel like between my thighs? I thought, never having had a man with facial hair go down on me.

  Wait, what?

  They are your mates. You will go through your first heat with them, my Tirian said smugly. It is natural to start to anticipate that.

  Is that what this is? I wondered, my eyes scanning every detail of them I could get from where I sat, something they seemed to sense. Peter’s eyes went to the rearview mirror, Aidan turning around to look into the back.

  “Mum said I can go round to Kiralee’s place!” Kade said, thinking he was doing so for him. “Are you gonna come with us?”

  “Of course, mate, if that’s what you want,” Aidan replied. “Everything OK, Flick?”

  No, no, no it’s not. I’ve just found out I’m goi
ng to be hit with the equivalent of paranormal Viagra for days on end, where my instincts will make me think taking on any and all attractive guys is a good thing. Sen’s grey eyes popped into mind for a moment, creased with a smile. That sent a quick shiver through me. But when they faded away, it was Aidan’s hazel ones that bore into mine, and I didn’t feel any less aware of the way my body warmed and softened, as if ready to surrender to his, to feel exactly what those blunt tipped fingers would be like on my skin and in my—

  “I think I need to see Ophelia,” I said.

  17

  “I think it's time for me to start pulling my weight around here,” I said.

  I felt guilty. Ophelia had been in a meeting with some of the older women in the pack they called the matriarchs. She’d invited me into the room, and now I sat there, with everyone watching.

  “Really?” Ophelia said, leaning forward. “What’s brought this on?”

  “I’ve been here for over a month now,” I ploughed on. This was not what I’d come here to say, but I couldn’t fess up to being terrified about going into a sexual frenzy in front of a bunch of grandmothers. “I hang around the house with the guys, look after Kade…” I felt a thrill as I realised what this would mean once he went to school—the house empty for seven hours a day. In my mind, the bedroom door opened and there were the three of us tangled up in… “I feel like I should be contributing, especially as Kade’s gonna start school soon.”

  “One doesn’t interrupt the alpha for a job application,” one woman said, leaning forward. She smiled, something all-knowing and sly at the same time. Her hazel eyes sparkled as she looked me over. “Someone’s been talking to you about the full moon.”

  “This isn’t you trying to avoid intimacy?” Ophelia asked.

  “No,” I said, shaking my head definitively. “Things are…progressing there still.” All the women’s attention sharpened at that. “Um…I found out why he’s called Monster and why he didn’t want me…” Fuck, this was like an inquisition rather than therapy.